Today I go for my last day of physical therapy before I have my torn rotator cuff surgery on the 15th of this month. Then I will endure months of additional physical therapy. It is stupidity at its worst. The insurance company would not allow me to have the surgery until I went through six of weeks of physical therapy for it. They had to pay the expense of it, and I had to endure driving for miles to get there and then go through the pain which I will just have to go through again after surgery. What a waste! Knowing that my doctor told me that this tear cannot heal without surgery has not helped in thinking through this useless waste of time and money process.
I asked my physical therapist what the difference between my current therapy will be compared to the post-surgery physical therapy and she simply said PAIN. Apparently it will be far more painful and last much longer. She then expressed that she wasn’t as worried about that as what inactivity will do to me. She said to go from being super active to sitting around doing nothing while it healed would affect me mentally. She went on to say that I will not even be able to lift a cup of coffee for weeks.
I did something I rarely do; I went to God in exasperation and complained bitterly about my shoulder and while I was at it my failing eyesight and other assorted health related problems. I asked him why I couldn’t catch a break in my old age but was greeted by nothing but dead silence.
What will I do? Watch television? (Arghhhh – that sounds more painful than the surgery and rehab)… Reading is an arduous task these days due to my poor eyesight. A friend of mine just sent me a book written by his wife Charlie entitled The Assignment that has a drawing of Jesus on the cover. I am going to attempt to read it and was looking at it this morning. I am no stranger to pain and don’t dread it nearly as much as sitting around with my arm in a sling.
It made me think of Jesus’s approach to pain and suffering. I thought of how He knew His “assignment” and what He was in for and how He asked His Father if He could spare Him this cup then please to do so but nevertheless God’s will be done and not His.
Of course, the difference here was that Jesus knew why He had to endure the cross and I don’t know why I must endure my micro-mini cross. Am I being punished for my many sins? No, Jesus already took that punishment for all my sins. Is God trying to teach me something? Hmmm.. It seems that I’m an old dog trying to learn new tricks, and don’t know what I can learn to help in this later stage of life or if I will have time left in the game to use it.
I suppose slowly losing my eyesight each day is the thing that gives me that “PLOM” feeling the most…(Poor little ol’ me). Throwing the pain of a torn rotator on top of blindness, experiencing the pain of degenerative arthritis in my spine as well as the many broken bones I’ve endured, knees hurting due to untreated football injuries, neuropathy, and various other ailments seem like heaping more coals on my head.
Should I angrily lash out at God like Job? Well. all that complaining didn’t help Job and he suffered worse than anyone that the world has ever known aside from Jesus. What was God saying about the suffering of this faithful man?
The answer is found in the Bible. Job is a book in the Bible, where God allows Satan to attack this man (Job) who was faithful to God. In Job, we see his attempt at keeping his faithfulness as he loses everything important to him. Through this book, we see God’s sovereignty and faithfulness during a time of great suffering.
In Job 38, we see the LORD answering Job and his friend’s questions. Through this address, God shows that neither Job nor his counsellors possessed, complete knowledge and acceptance of just how limited human understanding really is. When God responds through this passage, He is teaching that there is something more fundamental than an intelligent solution to the mystery of innocent suffering. He did not mention anything about his suffering or his innocence or anything else. God was questioning Job to teach him a lesson of who “God” is. God was building up Job’s confidence in Him and by revealing that “God is God”, Job learned he could have full assurance that all is well.
Hmmm…God’s speech makes me wish I hadn’t opened my big mouth and lashed out at Him. As I look around and realize the might of God’s power and his infinite wisdom and know He is in total and absolute control, I understand that I do not see everything or understand all that is going on around me. Duh…
But, there is one sure hope, and that is my “faith” in Jesus Christ. We must all persevere in our walk through this world following the Lord no matter our current or past situation. He is the One who knows the way and not me. Without Him I’m lost.
We all need to make Jesus the treasure of our lives. Through trials and tribulations and the good times. I look at it like seeing hurricane warnings ahead and know that I’m going to have to hunker down and get ready for a terrible beating. But I know that Jesus is right here with me and will be riding it out standing by my side and the final outcome will be splendid!
So I say bring it!
Job 42:1
Then Job replied to the LORD: “I know that You can do all things and that no plan of Yours can be thwarted. You asked, ‘Who is this who conceals My counsel without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know . . .