I received an apology letter this week that is many years overdue. I helped someone get through a tragic storm of epic proportions some 15 years ago, and as soon as they were out of their dilemma they treated me worse than a red headed stepson. They left my life for a while and then as luck would have it they got hit again, only this time by a natural disaster.
There was good old Bob, Jim Dandy to the rescue, once again lending a helping hand and restoring them. As soon as they were stable and well again, I was cursed, and worse and once again treated shabbily.
ENOUGH! I finally got my fill of that crap and shut off all communications. That was about 10 years ago.
So imagine my surprise when over the weekend I received an apology letter, a real “Mea Culpa”. This person enumerated all that I did for them, admitted that they acted like an “idiot”, and asked for my forgiveness.
I promptly gave it. I did however make the point it is easier to forgive than forget. And while I do not bear any grudge whatsoever I do not wish to pick up where I left off and have a relationship with this person.
Sigh . . . I suppose I’m wrong about that decision, but it is a first step.
This weekend I had a similar experience with someone altogether different. Basically I’ve tried my utmost to help them and their ministry, but had to cut back because of legitimate financial constraints. Instead of thanking me for helping them for a year they went off on me and said some things that shouldn’t have been said.
This was upsetting and I went hunting to clear my mind, and while on my stand I thought about this situation long and hard. I remembered the letter of apology I just received that was ten years overdue and decided that there is no reason for someone to go a decade with something like that on their mind. I sent a text to this person and told them that while I did not condone their behavior and what they’d said to me, that I did forgive them, (even though they probably don’t want it).
I did not receive a reply. Hopefully they will grow and God will eventually show them that thanking me for what I did for them, instead of cursing me for what I can no longer afford to do might be a better option.
C.S. Lewis is one of my favorite authors. He was an intellect and began life as an atheist but turned out to be one of the great Christian leaders of all time. The following is an excerpt about his struggle with forgiveness and anger.
One of the persistent problems that everyone encounters in life is being offended by other people. The “other people” in question include strangers, co-workers, friends, and family. While many of these offenses are relatively minor irritants, others are deep, painful, and have a major impact on us. Regardless of the magnitude, in every case of offense, we are confronted with a critical issue: will we forgive the offender?
As regards my own sins it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other men’s sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other man was not so much to blame as we thought. But even if he is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him; and even if ninety-nine percent of his apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one percent of guilt which is left over. To excuse what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.
This is hard — how can we do it? Only, I think, by remembering where we stand, by meaning our words when we say in our prayers each night “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.” We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God’s mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what He says.
In comparison to sins like adultery, murder, theft, etc., unforgiveness might seem relatively minor. But Christ does not see it that way. Of all the serious sins he could have possibly mentioned in the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus focused only on forgiveness (Matthew 6:12, 14-15). He knew that offenses come to each of us regularly, and that we are prone to rationalize and justify our unforgiveness of the offender. He also knew that when we do so, we erect a barrier of sin between us and God which blocks our own forgiveness, as well as our prayers and fellowship with Him, and leads to backsliding.
Unforgiveness is a spiritual abscess that poisons the soul, the only remedy for which is forgiveness, no matter how difficult. How can we do something so difficult? Remember the old adage: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Focus on the blessings.
We must mean it when we pray
MATTHEW 6:12, 14-15
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors . . . For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
December 16, 2013 – Click here to listen