August 8, 2022 – Click here to listen
Recently I received an email from the grown son of some friends. It was insulting and mean-spirited and I’m told he routinely sends similar emails and/or verbally abuses his parents. I’ve only met the guy once and wouldn’t know him if he walked up to me on the street. He obviously has issues with his parents and since he knows we are friends I suspect that he wrote because I am friends with them.
On more than one occasion they have asked me to pray for this guy and I have done so. They try to defend his behavior and seem to blame it on everything but him. Personally, I think he is spoiled rotten and if I were them the next time he threatened not to have anything to do with his family, I would say, “Good, have a nice life. I trust you can find the door on the way out”.
So, what would Jesus do? I have studied the Bible for decades and my thoughts on this subject may sound unconventional I suppose. Most think we should forgive unconditionally anytime anywhere, and they would be right and wrong.
A prerequisite of receiving forgiveness from Christ is that we must confess our sins, ask for forgiveness, and repent. We cannot expect to see heaven without it and indeed we are told that we will be eternally separated forever from God if we fail to do it. So, if this spoiled brat were to do the foregoing in a sincere way, I must forgive him for whatever he has done and God states that we should do it over and again as long as it takes. BUT the other party must confess, ask to be forgiven, and repent. That is what Jesus would do according to the Bible.
To be sure God loves us and does not want anyone to die a spiritual death and be separated eternally from Him, but there are requirements that must be met on our parts. So, why do so many people who are on the receiving end of constant tirades endure the bad behavior and allow themselves to be treated disrespectfully by an angry son or daughter or for that matter, from a mother, father, sibling, friend, or acquaintance and allow it to continue, sometimes for years?
Many younger people were spoiled rotten by their parents. My brother was as spoiled as they come. It started at a young age and when he would get mad, he would literally hold his breath until he passed out. My parents would give him whatever he wanted after one of those episodes and it only got worse as he grew older. He went from holding his breath to screaming and cursing them and treating them shamefully. While my parents just put up with it. This did not bode well for him when he left home. He found out as he grew older that those folks he encountered in the world would not endure his tantrums. He ended up without friends, in fights, and had trouble at work. Not one person outside of our family attended his funeral.
It is difficult to say no to our kids and grandkids, just as it must be difficult for God to tell us no at times. It is, however, a prerequisite to raising kids. Not everything we want is always good for us. This concept doesn’t just apply to kids, old people are the same way. God did not create anyone to be a door mat. I once had an in-law who was such a troublemaker that she even got kicked out of her church for stirring up trouble. She kept the family in turmoil all the time especially during holidays and created such a stir at my home one time that she had my wife in tears. Finally, I had enough! I jumped up and told her to get out of my house and angrily told her she could never step foot in it again. I told her husband that we were done with her antics and if he wanted to visit, he would need to come alone. They left and I stood firm, she never set foot in my house again. We knew peace literally for years without ever again having to deal with her troublemaking.
Forgiveness is mentioned by Christ numerous times and is in fact the basis for reunification with our Holy God. He stands at the door and knocks but will not enter unless we do our parts. God answered Solomon with four conditions for forgiveness: humble yourself by admitting your sins; praying to God – asking for forgiveness; seeking God continually; and turning from sinful behavior. True repentance is more than talk. By the way these are God’s standards not mine. If you disagree take it up with Him.
II Chronicles 7:14
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.