August 5, 2021 – Click here to listen
So, a friend wrote and told me of all the bad things some people in his life had exacted upon him in just a short period of time. It was a grueling time for him.
His boss died and then his widow who took over the business unjustly fired him. Six weeks later his wife of 24 years (a Christian) decided they needed a separation and took to full tilt partying with a bunch of divorced and single women eventually leading to her serving him divorce papers 3 months later. All of this occurred while building his 5,500 square-foot forever home). He had to finish the 50% over-budget home, try to unload his very custom home in the rural county in which he lived and make very large mortgage payments for 2+ years while trying to sell. To add insult to injury he also had to give his wife 50% of everything and 60% of his 401k. Understandably while unemployed he got mentally in a very bad place of depression, anxiety, and fear. He was not completely, but close to being broke.
So, my treatise on forgiveness yesterday was puzzling to him. He wrote: “Neither of these women have sought forgiveness from me or admitted any ‘Wrongdoing’ with the exception of my ex, who one time ‘kinda-sorta’ admitted that she realized it ‘wasn’t all me’ (you think?), but she never asked that I forgive her.
I 100% believe God will deal with them both accordingly and that they will have to deal with their decisions, in fact, I know both have had some rough waters to contend with over the last few years. But that leaves me . . . I have pretty much been of the opinion that I needed to forgive them regardless of their position regarding sin and lack of forgiveness/repentance. I’ve even felt as though my prayers were being hindered at times because I hadn’t completely forgiven them….I am in a much better place today and I have told myself to forgive them and have prayed and tried, and for the most part have moved on, and father time has helped considerably, but I would appreciate any thoughts or confirmation you might have regarding this plight of mine.
Hmmm . . . I felt that my post yesterday was somewhat ambiguous. On the one hand I said that we should forgive others as God has forgiven us. God forgives based upon our admitting that we need it and by asking for forgiveness and determination to turn, (repent) from those sins. Then I mentioned that I forgave my father even though he did neither of those things. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but I was glad I did.
I carried the hate for him through most of my life. He had been brutal to me and I endured many totally unwarranted beatings from him beginning as far back as I could remember. It made me mean, bitter, and angry and I believe was a huge factor in causing me to lead the dark miserable life of a drug addict and vicious criminal in my youth. I committed untold sins of the darkest nature but one day found Jesus, (or He found me), and I turned my life around.
After I’d left home for good my father had a similar come-to-Jesus moment precipitated by a serious car crash that I’d experienced and he turned his life around and became a “model” citizen. He actually taught Sunday school for 40 years and founded four churches, but even after I was walking with the Lord those vicious beatings burned in my mind like it had happened yesterday, and I barely spoke to him and when I did, it invariably led to heated arguments of the most vile nature.
Like my friend who wrote the letter above, time made my wounds bearable, and I began to do very well on all fronts. But this issue was on my mind, and I began to feel that I should just forgive my father and quit dwelling upon it. I felt the urging of the Holy Spirit to do just that and one day I did. I forgave him.
It didn’t go as I envisioned. He didn’t think he’d done anything to be forgiven of and told me so. I could have gone off on him but kept my cool and smiled and told him we both knew better, but nonetheless I forgave him and in my mind it was over. I immediately felt a huge burden lifted from me. Over the next 15 years right up until his death at 91 we began to bond and when he got old and debilitated from Parkinson’s I was right there with him until he passed. We had finally achieved peace between us.
Technically I suppose I didn’t have to forgive him because he never did admit anything, much less ask for forgiveness, nor would he tell me why he hated me as a child. All I can say is that it gave both of us relief when I took the initiative.
I realize that some people have been wronged far worse than me and may not feel that they are capable at this point in their journey with Christ to achieve what I did. As I mentioned it was one of the most difficult things I ever experienced, but I’m exceedingly glad I did. We all must listen to the gentle whisper of God and do what He puts on our hearts. I believe my friend is hearing from God now. I hope this true story of my struggle helps him and perhaps some of you who are struggling with this issue. Offering forgiveness gave me closure on one of the worst chapters of my life. If I had to do it again, I would have done it earlier, but that is just me.
Romans 12:17
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all . . .