So a few weeks ago an Indian lady who is deeply involved in prayer ministry, whom I met one time for about 1 1/2 minutes and has never met my wife, dreamed that my wife and I came to her Indian reservation. She said I pulled her aside and asked her to pray for me. We went to her mobile home and I suddenly died.
My wife was distraught and fell atop me crying her heart out. The Indian lady said she heard me talking even though I was dead. She told my wife that I was still talking and then she heard it as well.
Hmmm . . . So what does this dream mean? How can someone who is dead keep talking? I prayed about it and came to the conclusion that the dream was not about a physical death, rather death to myself, (flesh), as I move closer to greater maturity in my spiritual life. In short God is allowing purification to occur to serve His purpose and better shape me.
2015 has been a year of intense suffering for me and my wife. There is no doubt on my part that I have been under intense demonic attack, and to be honest more than once I questioned why God would allow it. It took some time, but I think I finally got it figured out.
I’ve learned things from this experience that I could have only learned by going through the intense pain and suffering that I’ve experienced and being incapacitated for months. God knew this all along – I had to learn it!
Yesterday I talked with a friend who was initially very interested in the Jesus Alliance but unfortunately has all but given up, because in his words, “so little has been accomplished”. He told me he was very excited to be a part of it in the beginning, because I was one of those hard driven CEO’s who gets things done, and when I first organized it, all indicators were that I would conquer the world in short order. Then suddenly I had to undergo neck surgery and was flat on my back and progress came to a grinding halt and those hopes faded.
What the Lord showed me through this experience was that this movement was not about me and/or my hard-charging style, but it was about Him. He would launch it at His leisure at a time of His choosing. I was forced to stop working on it and lay on my couch in agonizing pain for months. All I had left that I could contribute was to pray, listen to the Lord, and try to understand His plan.
Too funny! Actually that was what was needed from the very beginning; I just didn’t get it and would have never stopped long enough to accomplish that feat. When the pain lifted, progress began to occur like a speeding bullet and September 1st we will launch our first video and the new website right on God’s schedule.
I learned another invaluable lesson during the trials of 2015 through my wife’s suffering from her ordeal with cancer. I had to become a caregiver and I now buy the groceries, cook the food, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, help her walk to the bathroom and back, pick up and drop off the laundry, bring her food to her on a tray, and keep the house as clean as I can.
After 44 years of marriage I had no idea how much she had been doing all these years. It is like Groundhog Day, it just keeps repeating day after day after day – cook clean the dishes –cook clean the dishes. I never did any of that stuff. I felt my contribution was to earn the money and hers was to take care of the house. But somehow I forgot that she worked too! She had been working every day pursuing her career and then doing all the chores too! Dumb me! I never even noticed.
I have vowed that when her strength returns I will be right there by her side helping her with these household chores until the day I die.
In summary I know that it was through this terrible experience that I’ve come to understand what it means to have a servant’s heart. I don’t resent being a caregiver for my wife in the least, and I’ve noticed that this mindset is actually carrying over to the way I view other people too.
When we focus on others, and not ourselves it becomes true humility in the fashion of Jesus Christ. I doesn’t mean not thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less. When we stop focusing on our needs, we become aware of the needs around us. I’m convinced that I learned this lesson in the only manner I could have, (by having it pounded into my thick head). I only wish that I had learned it years ago.
The hard lessons are the best lessons in life and we shouldn’t whine about what seems to be calamity descending upon us, because there is good lurking around in there and in everything bad that happens to those who love the Lord. We just need to look for it, trust in God that it is there, and figure out how it can work in fulfilling His purpose for our lives.
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
August 4, 2015 – Click here to listen