Peacemaker

I was reviewing my major accomplishments of goals this year and was very pleased with the achievement of my number one spiritual goal. I am hesitant to share this, but as with everything I write in WFTD, I feel led by the Lord to do so and more or less just bare my soul and personal life to the readership. My hope is that by opening up some of the serious problems that I have faced in my personal life and more importantly how I resolved them, that someone who faces similar circumstance will benefit from what I learned and it will help them in their daily walk with God.

Most people think I have two sons and two grandchildren. Not so, I have three sons and five grandchildren. My oldest son and I had a serious falling out sometime around 1993. He left and moved out west and we did not say a word to each other the entire time. As far as I was concerned I did not want to ever see him again unless he apologized for what he had done. My feeling was that Jesus forgives sin but one must be repentant and ask for forgiveness in order to receive it. Utilizing that logic, I reckoned that my son had never asked for forgiveness was certainly not repentant for what he did, and I was bound and determined that unless he asked for forgiveness I would never forgive him or have a relationship with him until he did.

Last year I decided that Jesus would never want me to act like that and that a real Christian would not harbor such feelings. I set a goal of reaching out to him. I was determined at least to make an attempt to communicate and make an attempt at doing what I felt the Lord wanted me to do, (the right thing). I will not go into the sordid details and our reasons for our falling out. It was complicated and we both were at fault to varying degrees.

I got his e-mail address and wrote him a letter telling him I wanted to setup education accounts for his children to attend college. He was thrilled when I reached out to him and appreciative of my contacting him. Unbeknown to me, he had been keeping up with me and his brothers through conversations with my father, and with our business through press releases and viewing our website via the Internet. He told me that all of those years he had wanted to reconcile, but could not bring himself to do so. (He was afraid of me.)

I cannot say I welcomed him home like the prodigal son. I was still ‘hopping’ mad at him even after all of those years and I could not hold it in. I made a point to let him know I still was mad and let him know exactly how I felt about what he had done. I told him I wanted to help his kids as they had done nothing wrong, but I still felt the same about him. He told me some things that I had done back in those days that were bothering him too. We spent quite a lot of time, (weeks), going over every detail via e-mail and bringing back the bad memories one by one’. We went back and forth by phone too, (numerous times), painfully’ recounting each of the bitter events that caused our split. It was like reliving it all over again, (not good!).

Eventually it became evident to me that we simply could not have a relationship if we kept recounting the wrongs committed by either party in the past. I told him that we could not change one thing that had occurred in the past, but we could affect today and every day that we have left on this earth, (the future). Somehow I found the words and fortitude to just tell him that I unconditionally forgave him and I did so in my heart, and oddly enough a couple of days after I did so, unsolicited he sent me an e-mail and apologized for what he had done so many years ago. (Finally the apology I had wanted all of those years.)

Our agreement was and remains to this day to put the past completely behind us, to bury it like a dead person, and to never bring it up again…EVER! It seems as though we have successfully done so. This Christmas holiday I flew his entire family to my home in the Keys. He his wife and three kids, my wife and I and my other two sons, (his brothers), and one of their spouses got to spend a week together fishing, touring the Florida Keys, talking with each other, playing with the kids, and catching up and celebrating the Christmas holidays. We had a great time. I got to know and love my three (new) grandchildren and my oldest son and I have reconciled. We now talk by phone or e-mail every few days. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted, but also one of the most rewarding. I believe that Jesus is happy about this and would tell us both “Well done!” for our effort.

If you have a loved one, or former friend with whom you have gone your separate ways, I urge you, as never before, to do as I have done and begin the trek towards reconciliation. It will not be easy and you’ will have to initiate it and chances are you will have to swallow your pride and make concessions that you do not feel that you should have to make, (after all you will be convinced that they wronged you and not vice versa; why should you initiate anything and/or forgive them?). Take it from me it is worth the sacrifice to get the past buried and six feet under and on with your life. I just wish I had not waited so long and missed out on so much, but better late than NEVER! I look forward to making up for lost time and getting to know all of my grandkids and towards having a normal relationship with my son and his wife once again.

Reconcilliation would have never happened if I had not been willing to listen to God’s gentle whisper and to make a spiritual goal to obey Him in 2006. As always He was right! Wouldn’t it be great if the world leaders would follow the same advice from the Holy Spirit of God?

Matt. 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for
they shall be called sons of God.