Deer season has begun and I shot an old doe the other day that looked sick and badly needed to be taken out of the herd. After I shot her, she ran off into the woods, and I went in to drag her back out. I soon discovered she’d gone into briars ten feet tall and thicker than 400 hells. When I waded through them, they very nearly tore my clothes off and scratched me up so badly I looked like I’d tangled with a wildcat. I floundered around in there for a long time and finally emerged.
Two days later I discovered chiggers, (red bugs), all over my body. These little demons live in briars and the penalty for visiting their home is that they will descend upon your body and make you itch so badly you want to die.
A friend told me that when you get infested with them, that you should take a bath and add a quart of Clorox to your bath water and it would kill them and thereby one could find some relief.
Hmmm . . . I wondered if that procedure might kill me too, but I was suffering horribly and I decided to do it, (and if I died of Clorox poisoning then I would just have to die – I needed relief!)
I did become worried that it might turn my hair orange if I washed it in the bath, so I took a long hot shower afterwards and washed my hair and tried to rinse off the Clorox. Then I got dressed and rushed off to a very important meeting with some VIP’s who’d come from all over the country to Honey Lake to see about booking some events.
As I sat in the meeting I reeked of Clorox and became very self-conscious. I whispered to my son and asked if he smelled Clorox, and he responded that he didn’t. It was so strong to me that I thought I would gag. I told him what had happened and he cracked up and we almost interrupted the meeting.
The VIP’s didn’t seem to notice however, and I escaped the ridicule that would have surely ensued had they known of my dilemma.
This incident reminds me of a somewhat similar occurrence that happened years ago. I wrote about it over a decade ago in WFTD and I’ve sent it out several times through the years, but I still enjoy its message, (and laughing at myself). Today’s posting is long but if you need a laugh at my expense this morning, then read on.
Back in the early days of our software development company I was trying very hard to win our very first major multi-million dollar account. It’s nearly impossible to sell one of these deals unless you already have other mega clients. The first question a client will ask is always, “Who else my size is using this system?”, and when I respond with a sheepish grin on my face, “Well you’ll be the first, but I promise that if you go with us, I’ll treat you better than my own mama”, one can be assured that it will be similar to pouring ice water in their lap. No one ever wants to be first when it comes to installing software for a mega client.
Over a period of months I’d been trying to impress a potential buyer from just such a mega million dollar entity that our company was a good fit for them. The director was disgusted with his existing system and vendor, and seemed impressed with my overall enthusiasm, straight-forward genuine approach, and the quality of our products via my initial presentation. My over-riding goal was to project an image of complete professionalism for myself and our new company.
I knew it was an uphill battle and it was going to be a doubly tough sale because of the zero-references-his-size issue, combined with the fact that he already had a very bad taste in his mouth for his current vendor, (which translated to software companies in general). My experience had been that potential customers have a tendency to throw all vendors into the same pot when in that frame of mind. The bottom line was that it was going to be a very tough sale and if I was to be successful, I had to make an impression of a lifetime.
I finally got him to agree to a major demonstration of live software and he lined up nearly fifty people to view it. Heretofore the most I’d ever shown the software to was six or seven people.
Wow!
This was the chance I’d been waiting for and I was determined to make the most of it. I was up literally hours prior to the meeting preparing for it. In fact I’m not sure I ever slept the night before. I dressed “fit to kill” in a brand new navy blue Armani suit, double starched white shirt, new tie, gleaming shoes, my teeth were scrubbed and every hair on my head was perfectly in place.
I was only two minutes from the meeting place, and I saw no reason to leave too early, so about ten minutes prior to it I whispered a quick prayer and out the door I went. As I briskly walked down the sidewalk enjoying the bright sun, blue sky, and crisp air, I walked under a tree and suddenly a bird pooped on my head and partially on my right shoulder. Apparently it was a very large bird and it had been eating very well; (whatever that bird had been eating did not agree with him as there was no shortage of poop and I was “covered” in it).
It was a direct splattering hit!
Aghast I ran back to my room, but I discovered that I’d locked the key inside the room.
“Oh No!” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I fruitlessly shook the door handle.
In order to obtain another key I had to run down to the lobby with bird poop splattered all over my head and the shoulder of my shiny new Armani suit. The clerk took one look at the menacing, serious, look on my face and in particular my eyes, and must have known better than to even ask about the bird poop all over my head and shoulder. He nervously and quickly handed me my replacement key, and I raced back to the room.
I didn’t have time to take a shower and/or change clothes. I used a damp wash-cloth to remove the poop from my hair, neck, and suit. By now I was completely flustered, I brushed and re-brushed with the damp cloth as hard and fast as I could to remove the mess and when I looked in the mirror for the final time, all of the color in my face was gone; I left the room pale, and completely frantic. I was going to be late for the meeting of a lifetime.
Minutes later, I arrived at the customer site shaken and nervous. I met my software engineer there, and as I looked at him, I got even more nervous. He was not very appealing to look at because he was very overweight, (morbidly obese and 400 lbs. plus) unfortunately he was not much of a conversationalist either, but he was an excellent programmer. I would have never brought him to meet a customer had they not wanted to see the demonstration of the actual system utilizing live data. I didn’t feel confident with a deal this big to show live software myself, and preferred to have our best programmer there for added insurance in case something went wrong.
Envision this for a moment. Approximately fifty people were crowded into a very small room, standing in a semi-circle, and focusing on a single computer terminal with a chair in front of it, (back in those days LCD projectors had not been invented yet). I was standing there trying to smile, but internally my mind was racing and I was frantically wondering if I’d removed all of the bird poop from my hair and clothes and I distinctly began to think that I could smell it.
I was rattled.
One never knows what will happen in live software demonstrations and I was hoping and praying that the software would perform well and not lock up, or have some other malfunction. Just then my 400 lb. plus technician stepped over to the chair to begin the demonstration and just as he tried to sit down on it, the chair rolled out from underneath him and he fell to the floor with a loud noise. I could literally feel the floor shake when he hit it. He was rolling back and forth flailing with his arms and legs straight up in the air, floundering around struggling to get up, and it reminded me of a huge manatee struggling to get back into the ocean.
So much for projecting an image of professionalism!
The potential buyer and I, and several other people were trying to see if he was injured and help him into an upright position whereby he could get up. After what seemed like an interminable delay we were successful. Aside from his pride being damaged, nothing else appeared to be wrong with him. His face was beet red; so was mine. (I could see his face and “feel” mine; it was flushed.)
Oddly no-one laughed and you could’ve heard a spider walking across that room. I should have said to myself,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
Unfortunately what I was saying to myself is not fit to be repeated, much less put in print. I was humiliated, unnerved, and wishing I was anywhere but in that room. I knew the deal was “gone like the wind”.
Most of that was in my head. No one at the meeting knew about the bird poop incident but me, and to a person everyone felt sorry for the programmer and knew he was embarrassed to no end. In spite of everything, we did get through the demonstration flawlessly; the programmer did an excellent job, and we answered all of their questions. Believe it or not, in the end we won this account and many more after that, (largely because of this great reference).
The Bible states that a bird cannot fall to the ground without God seeing it. I assume God saw the bird poop fall to my head too. I wonder if He laughed.
I think He did.
I must admit now it seems humorous, but back then I wasn’t laughing and I’m ashamed to admit that I wasn’t entirely confident that God would help me get through that ordeal.
Shame on me!
God knew the outcome would be good, and the buyer would buy our system. He knew this would be the first of many mega deals that we would win because of this great account, and that our company would thrive; and He knew it all before it ever happened. I think it probably made it all the more humorous to Him.
God was with me every step of the way through this test, whether I knew it, or had faith or not. I no doubt let Him down with some of my thoughts, but I was praying to Him also, and I am delighted that He understands my weaknesses far better than I do and most of all forgives me for my mistakes.
I wanted to recount these two incidents this morning in the hopes that you will remember them the next time you are in a similarly, apparently bleak looking situation. When it looks as though all is lost, don’t give up! We’re always closer to succeeding than we can ever imagine at the time, and God is right there with us every step of the way.
Laugh with God when you are besieged with trials, it’s far better than getting bent out of shape over it. The bird poop is long gone, (the Clorox smell still lingers but will soon be gone too), but we gained that influential customer and many others, and those VIP’s have promised to book all kinds of events at Honey Lake.
Somewhere in all of this there is a profound message, (I think).
What is it?
All I can think of is God is good all of the time . . . Have a great day today!
Psalm 100:4
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise;
give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the Lord is good and His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.
November 6, 2013 – Click here to listen