Pass the barbeque sauce please

I used to be violent vicious and would look for practically any excuse to start a fight, especially if I was drinking. Most of the fights I won, but many of them I lost, (my nose was broken seven times and I had to have two painful operations performed on it before I finally got it straightened out where I could breathe through it again). My urge to fight got so bad that I would go into a bar and if I perceived that someone was looking at me, I would walk over to where they were sitting and just hit them as hard as I could in the mouth.

Once I was sitting at a bar and a guy was standing there loudly berating Jews and how much he hated them. Apparently his boss was Jewish and he was too tight with his money for his liking. He kept on railing about Jews, getting louder and louder and when he finally stopped long enough to take a breath and looked my way, I raised my hand and said, “I’m Jewish”. You should have seen the look on his face when I got up and started walking his way. Yes we got in a fight, and yes I won that one. I hardly knew what a Jew was much less had descendents that were Jewish.

A guy was proudly telling me how his son got in a fight yesterday. He said his son was merely an innocent peace loving little dove who just wanted to be left alone and the poor little thing was being harassed and picked on by a mean old bully who was jealous of him because he won his position on the football team. He beamed about his son beating the living snot out of the bully after school, and how his son came home all covered in blood, none of which was his son’s.

I would be willing to bet that now that this kid has tasted blood and enjoyed the glory of winning a fight in front of his peers that this will not be the last time this story unfolds. Hopefully the boy he beat up will not come back at him with an AR15 today.

It was an all too familiar song that I used to sing to my parents when I came home covered in blood with broken hands and knuckles. My violence did increase and because of it I spent plenty of nights incarcerated in plenty of nasty dirty jails where there is always someone tougher who will literally take your life for a pack of cigarettes. My story was always the same. It was never MY fault; it was always some bully picking on me or someone else that had to be dealt with and taught a lesson by me beating them silly.

Yeah right

To my knowledge neither of my sons ever got in a fight in their entire lives. They were taught at an early age how ignorant, foolish, unnecessary, and in today’s violent society, dangerous, it is. They both turned out to be happy, successful, and stellar citizens and no one thinks less of them for not being fighters. I told them they would answer to me if I caught them picking on anyone, and that it is ignorant to get in a fistfight. I wonder if this fellow has instructed his son likewise, or if he takes a certain amount of pride in knowing his son is a bad donkey stud around the old high school and vicariously gets a thrill out of it.

Call me jaded if you must, but I cannot help but think that kid is not quite the little innocent lamb that he purports to pop that he is. I have found that invariably there are two sides to every story and I would be curious to see how the fight really got going. I don’t know if that kid bragged about beating the other boy out of his position on the team or not. What if he had befriended his teammate and encouraged him when he lost his position? They might be best friends today. Did he really try every way he knew to avoid the fight or not?

The Bible teaches that in as much as it is within our power we should be at peace with everyone. If I were this man, I would make my son memorize this verse this week.

Now that is not to say there aren’t bullies in life and they must be dealt with, but I can guarantee beyond a shadow of a doubt that the overwhelming majority of life can be lived without getting into fights. I know that because I have personally done it since God came into my life. It isn’t easy to just turn away, especially when the hair on my neck is standing on end like an old junkyard dog and I have the urge to kill, but it is entirely possible like all things through Christ who strengthens us.


One of the things that absolutely astounded all of the attorneys at the closing when I sold our software company (after sixteen years of complex software installations involving hundreds of millions of dollars through the years) is that we had never been sued by a customer and never sued anybody. They thought I was lying. Every company has lawsuits; don’t they?

We didn’t, in fact I was not sued in any of my other companies either. This is something I am very proud of. Not that we let people take advantage of us mind you; we rattled the old saber a time or two and had our share of hotly contested debates, but because we skillfully looked for a way to peacefully resolve our issues, we avoided what amounts to legal bloodshed.

Jesus wants us to get along with each other and treat everyone the way we would like to be treated. In the end pride is what causes much of the strife between mankind, be it family, friends, or complete strangers and bullies. The Bible states that God hates foolish pride and indeed that is what brought our downfall in the Garden of Eden and remains one of satan’s most valuable tools against us. It is a black sin that causes grief.

The next time you are confronted with an explosive situation, take it slow. Look for a peaceful way to resolve the conflict. Stop and think before you act; and in the interest of finding a peaceful solution maybe even, (shudder), eat a little crow; it doesn’t really taste that bad I like barbeque sauce on mine

Romans 12:18
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Romans 15:2
Each of us must please our neighbor for the good purpose of building him up.