To forgive or not forgive

A reader asked me about a WFTD I recently sent out in regard to lying. It seems that my comments, “if someone lies to me, then I am done’ with that person” does not go along with this person’s interpretation of what being a forgiving Christian is all about. I must admit that presented in that context it does sound a little harsh; however this idea that Christians must issue unconditional forgiveness or be in jeopardy of losing forgiveness themselves is in my opinion often misinterpreted and taken out of context by Christians; just as the passage about we should take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’ is commonly misinterpreted and taken out of context and touted by secular people as being God’s mandate for us. This reader sent me numerous verses about forgiveness, for example in Matthew how Jesus stated if we refuse to forgive someone their trespasses against us that we will not receive forgiveness ourselves, etc. I am acutely aware of these passages and believe them to be true; HOWEVER, there are always “conditions’ to receiving forgiveness with God and I believe that carries down to our daily walk and how we handle forgiving those who wrong us.

One advantage of reading the entire’ Bible instead of random verses here and there is that it gives one an overall look at the entire meaning. I try not to pick out one line sentences but look for meaning in a contextual manner. Yes the Bible mentions to take an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, but right below that passage it tells us specifically not’ to do that. Another one, “Judge not that you be not judged” is often used on television by secular commentators. P-l-l-ease read the rest of the chapter. We are told in the same chapter not to, “cast your pearls before swine lest they trample them under their feet and turn and tear you in pieces”. Christians better be careful with whom they are friends and associates or they could be in mortal danger. How do we know that someone is a “swine” if we do not observe their behavior and “judge” it? The Bible is clear that we should carefully choose our friends and that we can determine one’s true colors by their lifestyle and behavior. “You will know them by their fruits”, means how we lead our lives. Jesus made it crystal clear that at the end of time at the Great White Throne of Judgment that not everyone that calls upon His name will be allowed to enter into heaven even when they plead that they preached in His name. We are especially warned about false prophets and encouraged to test their teachings against God’s holy word.

I believe the Bible is pretty frank on the idea of forgiveness. God’s forgiveness is not without conditions and even when He forgives us our sins we are not free from the consequences’ of our sins. Simply put God does not forgive everyone, (satan comes to mind), and even if God does forgive us we must still must reap the consequences of our sins and often this punishment is great, (King David comes to mind). Many people and even fallen angels fully recognize and believe with all of their heart that Jesus Christ is indeed the Son of God, yet will not be forgiven because they will not meet God’s conditions for forgiveness.


Forgiveness is central to God’s redemption plan for us and in essence it is why Jesus died on the cross and in my mind is primarily why the entire Bible is written. John 16:8 tells us what Jesus accomplished by coming to this earth. “He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness and of judgment”. Receiving forgiveness, and pure righteousness, and being saved from damnation at judgment come from Jesus and Jesus alone.

Our part is:
1. To become convicted that we are sinners and recognize that before there can be reconciliation with God, we must first believe that Jesus lived a righteous sin-free life and then willingly gave His life as a sacrifice and payment for our sins, whereby at judgment when God views us kneeling at His feet, He will see the holy righteousness He requires for fellowship covering our naked bodies via the blood sacrifice sin payment of Jesus Christ on our behalf.

2. We must repent from our sins, (express genuine remorse for our sins) and we must make a concerted effort to follow the commands of Jesus and avoid sin to the best of our ability and try our best to lead a righteous life.

3. Even though our eternal salvation is assured from that point forward, we still must face judgment for our sins and face their consequence.



Well what about the liar, someone caught dead to rights lying? I am not talking about the occasional exaggeration or “omission lie” due to “Mia Culpa” considerations, or not wanting to tell someone everything they know as it would “rat out” a friend. I’m talking about a liar’ and I’m sure everyone knows someone in this category. OK a liar comes to me and admits that they are guilty of this trespass and they are remorseful and their best intention is to never commit this grievance again. Should I say, “No problem you are forgiven, we’ll just let bygones be bygones and move on” and let them back into the fold? I can forgive someone in my heart and do not have to hate them, plot evil against them, or be burning mad with rage at them, but that does not mean that there will not be consequences’ for what they did. While I could readily personally forgive someone who lied to me, I would not allow them to retain their job and I could not really trust’ them again.

Envision sin as being like shooting a gun at someone’s head. We may sincerely regret shooting them at the exact instant that we pull the trigger, but it will still shatter some lives, (and some poor soul’s skull). Once the gun is fired, (or a sin is committed), its consequence is inevitable regardless of our remorse, apology and even forgiveness. Many criminals have learned this lesson by converting to Christianity while on death row. And however commendable that may be; they still had to pay the price to society for their murderous and heinous acts by being executed. Likewise the homosexual who converts to Christianity and gives up their lifestyle will be forgiven their sins by God and join Him eternally in paradise; however this poor soul still may die a slow and painful death from HIV infection as a consequence of a prior sinful, promiscuous, and perverted lifestyle. Should a Christian battered woman feel that they must take a beating every night and then forgive their spouse and then “turn the cheek” and get ready for the next one in order to obtain God’s forgiveness for their sins? Not at all, they might forgive the poor slob that is beating them because perhaps he was abused as a child himself, or is an alcoholic, or whatever, but they should put that guy in jail and at a minimum the battered woman should leave him as a consequence to the idiotic behavior.

The WFTD I wrote had two meanings, one as CEO of Horizon and the other was personal. As CEO my feelings are that Horizon’s mission statement was written by several of our top and most valued people and as CEO, even if I have a heart as big as Texas I still have my responsibilities and I have a job to do and I must follow that mission statement as closely as humanly possible. The mission statement mentions that we must provide, outstanding customer service, state-of-the-art technology and products, and then it mentions that Horizon employees will work together in a spirit of honesty’, integrity, and pride. A liar does not fit into that model and therefore must be eliminated. We are not a half-way house and honesty and integrity must be core values of the employees who work at this company. Someone who lies or steals is simply not honest and must go. If I send them packing it is not out of hate or anything remotely similar. It is a consequence of behavior.

I would assume that since God requires and uses criteria as His basis for forgiveness that it is not unreasonable for us to require and use criteria as our basis for forgiveness. I try to model my belief system accordingly as to how forgiveness fits into my life. One example is that I have a relative that greatly’ wronged me. This person has never one time asked to be forgiven. I must assume that there is no remorse and more than likely given the opportunity they would probably do the same thing again if presented with the opportunity. Many relatives and friends have expressed to me that I should forgive this person, often quoting, (or misquoting), the Bible. Am I in danger of losing my forgiveness if I do not forgive this person their trespasses against me? I don’t think so because there is no basis to forgive someone who has no desire to be forgiven. On the other hand if this person came to me and apologized and expressed remorse and asked for forgiveness and I refused, I think I would be very wrong not to offer it. I do not hate this person, nor do I wish them any ill will whatsoever. I am ambivalent to this person. I do not really have much feelings about them at all. It is as if they do not exist. Perhaps that is my sociopathic side that produces this condition, but I would imagine if I came up to them and told them I forgive them that they would get a good laugh and wonder what in the heck I was talking about.

I am not a member of Alcoholics Anonymous; however I do know that as part of their “twelve step” program they must go to everyone they have wronged and try to apologize and make amends as best they know how. I think this is a prerequisite for forgiveness and a great start. They should not be surprised if trust is no longer present however.

Finally I would ask that everyone who reads WFTD remember that my views are “my” views. I am not a prophet or even a preacher. I am a layman like many of you who earnestly seek God’s will. I try my best to use the Bible to understand some of the difficult things we face. I have often changed my mind about subjects as more was revealed to me. I know I am not always right, and I encourage you to study the Bible for yourselves and seek what your God and Father wants to teach you. I would never deliberately lead anyone astray. Some questions are tough. That is what makes it so interesting and challengingI do know that we cannot go wrong if we adhere to the verses below.

Matt. 22:36
Teacher, which is the great
commandment in the law?
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall
love the Lord your God with all your
heart, with all your soul, and with
all your mind.’
This is the first and great
commandment.
And the second is like it; You
shall love your neighbor as yourself,’
On these two commandments
hang all the Law and the Prophets.”