July 26, 2021 – Click here to listen
I received the (lightly edited) letter below from a concerned reader that asks a question that I’ve been asked numerous times. She wrote in response to the analogy I raised about running out of rope and tying a knot in it and hanging on, but then brought up a perplexing problem that haunts many parents:
“I can relate to the end of the rope analogy and sometimes I just want to let go and let God take over. But I am so glad you referenced Phil. 4:13 and how you pointed out that the verse is about God and me working together!
Both of my daughters 20 and 25 have let their faith life go by the side. They grew up going to church, youth group, mission trips and most importantly faith filled home.
But the world has gotten a hold of them. It makes me so sad, it is on my mind daily. I so much want them to follow Jesus with their whole heart, but I do know it’s not their parent’s faith anymore they need to find their own.
Please pray for them. They are beautiful girls, they work hard, they are kind and helpful, but both have boyfriends that don’t have a faith life. That is the distraction from their own faith life. Satan is working so hard telling them they need to be in a relationship and forget about Jesus. Do you have any words of wisdom in how to handle adult kids that have walked away from their faith in Jesus or at least put it on the back burner?”
Hmmm . . . One thing I think about often is that it is very difficult for a mature Christian such as this reader to accept baby Christians like her daughters. I was not the Christian I am today even decades after accepting Christ as my Savior. I had to live life and God had to teach me lessons of what He wanted me to do through His love and at times some tough discipline and heartache.
I believe it is unrealistic to expect someone in their 20’s to be a mature Christian regardless of their upbringing. The good news is if they truly ever belonged to God, they will return to Him. Some of us more hard-headed folks must live through the “prodigal son” experience and others just come to the realization that they simply cannot be truly joyously happy apart from Him.
So, what is a loving parent to do? If it is truly about Phil. 4:13’s message of “God and these parents working together” then they must trust Him and use His strength to discover how best to help them mature. I believe that strength in large measure derives from daily prayer with faith that a good outcome will eventually blossom.
One thing is certain they must turn their daughter’s fate over to God. At the heart of the difficulty of letting go of our children is a certain amount of fear. Today’s world is a truly scary place and being constantly bombarded with the numerous stories of terrible things happening and Satan’s lies about the inerrancy of the Bible increase our fears.
When our children are young, we can monitor their every moment, keep bad elements away from them and choose their friends and guard their safety. But as they grow and mature, they begin to move out into the world on their own. We are no longer in control of their every move, who they see, where they go, and what they do.
For the Christian parent, this is where faith enters the picture. Perhaps nothing on earth is more testing of our faith than the time when our children begin to sever the bonds that have held them close to us. (Keep in mind that letting go of children doesn’t mean simply turning them loose in the world to fend for themselves. It means turning them over to our heavenly Father who loves them more than we ever could, and who guides and guards them according to His perfect will).
The reality is that they are His children; they belong to Him, not to us. He has loaned them to us for a while and given us instruction on how to care for them. But eventually, we must give them back to Him and trust that He will love them and nurture their spirits even better than we have nurtured them. The more faith we have in Him (and them), the less fearful we are and the more we are willing to turn our children over to Him.
I believe those of us who gave our children a Christian upbringing and saw them turn their lives over to God in their youth should be confident that they are firmly in God’s hand. Scripture is clear that those who are born again cannot lose that status John 10:28 states: I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
I would be remiss however, not to mention that it is also clear, that even those who are saved can risk serious consequences for disobedience (Corinthians 5:5 – you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord). So, the stakes are exceedingly high, and it is entirely appropriate for parents to be concerned, but when we turn to God with our intercessory prayers and trust that it will never come to that, God hears those requests and intercedes according to his perfect will.
John 16:32
. . . Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”