July 28, 2020 – Click here to listen
I have been perplexed for some time by the behavior of one of our best friends. We had the best of times together and she and her husband shared many meals together, went on vacation together, kayaked, went to church together, prayed together, went to Bible study together and so on.
Her husband got VERY ill and I prayed for him to get healed and for his wife to have courage, perseverance, patience, peace, and for God to draw near to her every day for literally two years when his health had really begun to decline. I flew to see him when he was hospitals in various clinics around the country while he was undergoing various trials to find a cure. I held his hand and prayed with him and his wife too many times to remember. I held hands with him when they called in hospice and we prayed together for hours. I had led him to the Lord several years earlier while hunting together, and he would tell everyone who visited him at hospice.
When he died, I felt I should keep praying for his wife who was devasted at his death and her loss. I prayed that God would strengthen her, give her courage, and draw close to her. I also prayed that someone would come along and fill the hole in her heart left by his death and I knew her late husband wanted the same for her as we discussed it at length many times.
My wife and I were determined to be there for her no matter what. Unfortunately, bizarrely, she almost immediately stopped answering calls, emails, or texts. I tried several times as did my wife to reach her with no success and finally we decided she just wanted her space. That was over 1 1/2 years ago. A mutual friend told me that during that time she did find an old friend who became her significant other and they got married about 7 months ago. We were not invited to the wedding and didn’t even know about it until about a week ago . . .
My father was brutally abusive to me as a child and it had an undesirable effect on me during my early years. I had a serious head-on collision car crash and nearly died. During my long recovery in the hospital I was wonderfully saved through reading the Bible and immediately set out to change my ways. God found favor with me and blessed me with a wonderful wife and family, success in my career, and financial success beyond my wildest dreams. I loved the Lord very much and wanted to be obedient to Him.
I had practically nothing to do with my father after I left home as a teenager and found it very difficult to be around him. My beatings at his hand and his constant making fun of me and telling me I was a black sheep who would never amount to anything bitterly burned in my mind and heart. Just prior to my leaving home for good my father had a “come to Jesus” moment. It was too late to reach me by then but he and my mother, who had been an atheist all her life, also got saved. They eventually founded four churches and my mother taught Sunday school for 15 years before her death and my father taught Sunday school for 41 years until his Parkinson’ disease at 90 years of age made his hands shake so badly he couldn’t write his lessons.
He lived to be 91 years old and I waited for 15 years prior to his death to forgive him. I could feel the Holy Spirit urging me on and I was obedient even though my flesh was roaring not to do it. C.S. Lewis wrote: . . . To believe in the forgiveness of sins is not nearly so easy as I thought. Real belief in it is the sort of thing that very easily slips away if we don’t keep on polishing it up. We believe that God forgives us our sins; but also that He will not do so unless we forgive other people their sins against us. There is no doubt about the second part of this statement. It is in the Lord’s Prayer; was emphatically stated by our Lord. If you don’t forgive you will not be forgiven. No part of His teaching is clearer, and there are no exceptions to it. He doesn’t say that we are to forgive other people’s sins provided they are not too frightful, or provided there are extenuating circumstances, or anything of that sort. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often they are repeated. If we don’t, we shall be forgiven none of our own.
When I forgave my father, he didn’t want forgiveness because he felt he hadn’t done anything wrong, nonetheless I forgave him and then started faithfully calling him every Sunday afternoon wherever I was in the world for 15 years to check on him. I also visited him a few times and bought him a couple of new Cadillac’s through the years to replace his clunkers. It took self-discipline and obedience to give up my hate for him. It also took intense prayer for me to receive enough of God’s love to garner up the will to talk to him many times, but eventually we developed a relationship which grew stronger as the days, months and years passed us by.
My father had singled me out for his physical abuse beginning as far back as I can remember beginning when I was just a tiny child. He didn’t abuse my mother or my brother, just me. Not long before his death I asked him why he didn’t like me when I was a child. He just looked at me funny and didn’t answer. He took his answer, (if he even knew,) it to the grave with him and I never did find out. It still perplexes me through today. He did however; tell me he loved me and was proud of me for the first time in his life just a week or so prior to his death.
I’m very happy I made the effort to forgive him, it is an incredible blessing in my life.
I intend to forgive my friend mentioned above whether she wants it or not, and though I don’t know what we could have possibly done to have her completely abandon her friendship with us, if I somehow did offend her in some way, I will ask her to forgive me as well. Many people get angry, hurt and so on and forgiveness is the last thing on their mind as they want to do battle with a war of words or otherwise, or just become bitter and keep it inside. This is not in God’s plan for us and His way is the best way. Nothing can be gleaned through holding on to the hate of the past. If you have someone that you need to forgive, please do so soon . . . While there is time. My only regret with my father is that I waited so long to do it.
Romans 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all . . . Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.