July 23, 2019 – Click here to listen
Well I got bad news on my eyes yesterday. The good doctor says that the macular degeneration has gotten “a good bit” worse since my last appointment. Then he told me it gets worse each day. Regardless of all the stories out there about stem cell treatment and the like he said that there currently is no cure or effective treatment – nothing will stop it. He told me that there is much research being conducted in this area but for now all he could tell me is to keep taking vitamins twice a day as my only course of action. I’m praying for a miracle cure before blindness . . .
When I was 35 years old I was having horrendous headaches and numbness in my fingers and went to a doctor who referred me to a neurologist. After numerous scans and tests, he called me into his office and told me I had a brain tumor. My mother and my brother’s son both died from brain tumors and he told me mine was similar to the one my mother had. I asked how long I had, and he nonchalantly looked at me and told me that he had a lady in his office not so long ago with an identical condition and 3 days later she was dead.
Great bedside manner huh? Three months of further tests were conducted and each one was more ominous than the last. Finally, they transferred me to the cancer clinic at Emory in Atlanta and a few days after they tested me their head radiologist called and asked if I was sitting down. I said no and he said well you might want to sit down. I thought to myself that it was ridiculous to sit down, what could be worse than what I had been living through for the past several months. Then he told me there had been a mistake in reading the MRI and I didn’t have brain cancer. I had a rare condition where brain fluid pooled at the base of my brain. It turned out later that my symptoms were stress related and a muscle was contracting in my neck and causing the headaches and numbness in my fingers. It was easily treated and in a week I was back to normal.
I went through several stages after receiving that news that day. There was fear – not from dying but I was afraid for my wife and two small children and leaving them at such a young age. I had founded a very successful business and knew they would never be able to run it. Next was anger. Why me? I had become a Christian and was doing my utmost for the Lord. I was just 35, why take me now? It seemed just when I got my life together it was going to be snuffed out. And then there was the depression stage. I could barely get out of bed and all I wanted to do was sleep and feel sorry for myself. Finally came the day of acceptance. I accepted my lot in life and went back to work declaring that I would lead as normal a life as my health would allow right up to the day the Lord called me home.
The thought of going blind has resulted in some similar thoughts, albeit it’s not as big of a deal at this stage in my life. Among other things macular degeneration destroys the rods that gather light for the retina which translates to not being capable of seeing in low light situations. As my eyesight has begun to get steadily worse I find myself carrying a flashlight to see in low light situations and to read. I quit driving at night and that includes my boat. I’m increasing the number of bright lights in my home and staying away from incandescent. I have reached the acceptance stage and determined to just keep on keeping on as long as I can.
A friend wrote and told me that the older we get the creakier our old bodies get and that we just need to suck it up. He said, “We still both live pretty charmed lives . . . and our aches and pains and occasional issues really are nothing compared to what most people face on a regular basis . . . just saying . . . There are no guarantees in this life. Our hope lies in Jesus Christ and spending eternity with Him. My buddy is going through a Bible study daily with me and we communicate about each chapter daily through e-mail. We studied 2 Cor. chapter 3 today. The verse he chose to comment on: “You yourselves are our letter. You are written on our hearts. Everyone knows you and reads you.” Then he wrote, “Which I would think means that our lives and the way we live are the testament to Christ? So, suck it up butter cup and go be a living testament!”
I suppose life is no bed of roses but perhaps there are some buttercups along the way.
Romans 8:18
Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.