It’s disheartening to know that 51% of marriages end up in divorce. This because after the honeymoon is over and the physical attraction and burning passion for each other have cooled somewhat, a marriage boils down to becoming a lasting friendship and not just an everlasting steamy romance. If a husband and wife are not first and foremost good friends, most likely their relationship will not last for any significant length of time.
As I thought about this statistic this morning I couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that it is the same for all of our friendships. Many people expect perfection from their friends, and since no one is perfect aside from God, we become disillusioned as we discover that lo and behold they actually have a few flaws. Most of us fail to recognize that WE have some flaws too.
In order to maintain a friendship, both sides must be willing to overlook the flaws and imperfections that reside within us. Similarly the demand for always having to be right about every point in every disagreement is not conducive to lasting friendships.
My experience as a CEO in settling disputes between employees has taught me to never just listen to one side of the story. That is because consistently I have found that the truth lies somewhere in the middle between the opposing sides. Each side usually has valid points and as an arbitrator I try to point them out to the warring factions and find a way to compromise.
Unfortunately I find that all disputes cannot be resolved peacefully and sometimes one or both parties end up having to leave our company over issues that could have easily been resolved. Sigh….The BIG problem is a five letter word called, “Pride”. Some folks just cannot admit they are wrong.
Satan has many names in the Bible, and one is the “Destroyer”. He destroys lives, marriages, friendships, hopes and dreams through his favorite tool, PRIDE. It comes naturally to him because it destroyed his own relationship with God and got him thrown out of heaven “like a falling star”.
Unfortunately pride can prevent us from accepting compromise and can and will destroy the good in our lives like it did with satan. A hard line is established that goes something like this: “I was wronged and by golly you’re going to pay!” In the end our precious pride remains intact, but sadly little else.
I’ve found in life that good friendships are far more difficult to garner than gold and other treasure, and every avenue should be explored to preserve them.
I had a disagreement with a good friend the other day. It started out as a relatively small incident hardly worth fighting over, but as more and more words were exchanged it strengthened from a small storm into a devastating hurricane in which we both seemed hell bent upon destroying our relationship, discarding it like a used tissue, and moving on alone.
As the discussion progressed, (or better deteriorated), we both took unyielding positions and in so doing defiantly declared, “Look I made it just fine for a lifetime before you came along, and undoubtedly I can make it just fine for many more years without YOU in my life. Hasta la vista baby!
When faced with ending our friendship we finally simmered down some, but much damage had already been inflicted. It goes without saying that if either or both of us fail to put this incident (and other skirmishes that we’ve had in the past) behind us and continue to dwell on our exchange instead, like an untreated wound that continues to fester we will eventually destroy our relationship.
As I thought about this just now, I was tempted to say, “And that will be just FINE with me!” Ha…My friend would undoubtedly counter with the same comment. LOL
So how in the heck do we treat a festering wound in a friendship? By swallowing our precious pride, “eating a little crow”, and unconditionally forgiving the other party, whether we agree that we were wrong or not.
The best example of this was handed to us by God Himself in Jesus Christ. He desired our everlasting friendship and loved us so much that he actually sent his Son to die in order to preserve it. He did this in spite of our sinning against Him, often in vile ways. He is undoubtedly right and we are unquestioningly wrong, but He loved us so much that He forgives us anyway. It is the perfect example of perfect love and we should try to emulate it as best we know how.
So this morning as you review some of those friendships that you are on the verge of trashing, consider that you don’t have to send your one and only son to die in order to preserve those relationships. In most cases all that is required to soothe those ruffled feathers (and out do your friend) is to eat a little crow.
As an FYI I’ve eaten crow many times and it doesn’t taste all that bad, especially if you add a little pepper, and it’s a heck of a lot better than starving to death.
Romans 12:10
Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.