I’m one of those eternal optimists, (a half full cup – instead of half empty cup guy); however I’m also a realist. One of the things I enjoy most at Honey Lake Plantation Resort and Spa is meeting with those excited individuals who are getting married, but it haunts me to look them in the eyes and know that 51% of those marriages will end in divorce, (41% for first marriages and 60% for the second).
Speaking as someone who has been married for forty years I would say that marriage is no different than owning your own business, in that if it is to succeed it takes plenty of hard work and a tenacious desire to succeed because make no mistake in addition to plenty of good times, there will be dark storms in life, and in order to weather them will take effort. The odds of success are much worse for the entrepreneur, 11 out of 12 businesses fail in the first five years, (I’m not good enough in math to know how those odds are worse than 9 out of 10, but I’m told they are).
Lack of communication, financial problems, cheating, incompatible personalities, lack of commitment (and ease of obtaining a divorce in our modern society), poor sex life, addictions to alcohol and drugs, mid-life crisis (having an unusually strong but unrealistic desire at that point in life to remain young, attractive, and virile), and seemingly little things like snoring are all reasons listed in no particular order that folks give for obtaining a divorce.
With all of that said I believe that the number one cause of divorce boils down in the end to sin. God did not create the institution of marriage with an option for divorce (just in case we might happen not to like everything about it). If you will look closely at the most common reasons given for divorce by marriage counselors as listed above, you understand that sin is the root of every one of them. God created life in the Garden of Eden to be wonderful, but then sin came along and spoiled it. Similarly marriage, a holy institution created by God to be wonderful, has been similarly spoiled by sin.
With such horrendous odds of success it makes one wonder if they should start-up their own business, or for that matter ever get married. I the eternal optimist would never allow the odds of failure to deter me, but the pragmatist in me tells me that if I want to succeed I will need to do some research as to what makes marriages work and commit to working hard and not give up at the first hint of trouble.
First things first, the Bible teaches us not to be unequally yoked. What that means in layman’s terms is that Christians should marry other Christians. Having a Christian married to a non-Christian is like water and oil. The two parties will see the world entirely differently. A Christian looks to God first and reveres their family; the things of the world are on down the list of importance; the non-Christian sees the world as being of paramount importance. We know that such thinking leads to disaster. Aside from God there can be no real joy. It does not come from the things of the world: money, diamonds, private jets, drugs, alcohol, sex, drugs, power, or any other means than from a close personal relationship with God.
Don’t marry a non-Christian if you are a Christian. If it’s too late and you are currently unequally yoked, pray for your spouse and try your utmost to get them to find God.
Assuming two Christians are entering marriage and are committed to stay together, communication is vital. Don’t hold stuff in, openly tell your partner that your sex life is poor, or your wife’s snoring offends you, or your spouse is drinking too much, or working too much, or whatever. Do it though in a loving constructive manner instead of a destructive manner.
Remember the greatest commandments given to us by Jesus, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.â€
If we are to love our neighbor that much, how much more so should we love our spouse. Keep in mind the Bible says when we marry we become ONE. Deal with your spouse lovingly.
Make a lifelong commitment. Make sure that failure is not an option and divorce is never a word that is allowed within your household under any circumstance. Guns, knives, fists, clubs, arm wrestling, or water pistols maybe, but divorce? NEVER!
Most of all just love your spouse already…. (The way God defines love)
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is
not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or
resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.