Pro whiner

I have not been sleeping at all. Usually each night about an hour after going to bed my sheets, pillow and person are all soaking wet with sweat to the point where I have to abandon my bed and head to the couch. Usually my hair is soaking wet and sticking straight out and I am chilled to the bone and I wrap up in big blankets to try to stay warm. I am also having nightmarish anxiety attacks whereby whenever I shut my eyes and try to sleep and I achieve that half asleep and half conscious zone, I begin thinking something really bad is either happening, or going to happen very soon. I cannot put my finger on what it is, but I know it is bad. I feel like hyperventilating it is such a bad feeling.

It makes for a bad night.

Since my surgery I have been near despondent. I have constant diarrhea, weakness, and utter exhaustion. Instead of spending my time riding horses, fishing, hunting, working on my book, or other things that I love; I spend the majority of every day laying on the couch too tired to even walk outside with my little pup. This has caused a mental mood of despair and complaining that is unparallel in my life. Usually I am in a super good mood and am one of the most positive people that most people will ever likely encounter. Lately I have joined the “Woe is me” crowd and all I talk about is being sick and old.

Not anymore. Today I told my wife that I am going to be positive if it KILLS ME. No more whining or feeling sorry for myself. Today is going to be one of the best days of my life as much as it depends upon me. I told my wife that I think that one’s attitude has as much to do with their well being as anything and she agreed. I have known people that harp all day long about getting old etc. and it serves no useful purpose except making them seem older than they really are.

I say grin and bear it and do what you can. We often take our health for granted, especially in those young invulnerable years, and most of us never thank God for our health when things are clicking right along. I hope that you thank God for allowing you good health, vision, hearing, and strength.

One of my sons told me yesterday that I have always been the strong one in the family and it was unlike me to be talking to him in the manner in which I was talking to him and pouring my heart out about “poor little old me”. He is right and I have been wrong.

Even if I feel bad today, I intend to keep it to myself. Bringing everyone else down about my ailments serves no useful purpose and I am not one of those sympathy mongers who desires everyone to feel sorry for them. I prefer to suffer alone in silence as to have a bunch of people fawning all over me. I do appreaciate prayer on my behalf though.

My surgery is over and each day I am getting better. I may not be getting younger but hopefully I am getting wiser. Thank God almighty for our health and for giving us the wisdom to fight our way through these situations. I intend to complete a chapter on my book today and hopefully it will be a good one. Have a nice and blessed day today and wahtever you do, don’t complain about anything today…

– Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage;
be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy
God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

I Peter 1:6
Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead!”