Guns, knives or arm wrestling

A very good friend of mine is currently going through a divorce. They have a small child who is caught in the middle of a major war for custody of him and various material things. It is nasty.

I heard the other day that 86% of all divorce is the result of poor communication. I do not know who came up with that statistic or how, but I suspect it is accurate. I am no expert on the subject, but I have been married for nearly 37 years now and part of that time my wife and I did not communicate too effectively and it was a somewhat rocky period for us. My wife likes to hold it in, and I of course like to let er out and immediately address anything that is bothering me. Much of our “learning to get along with each other” process needed to be spent convincing her to tell me what was bothering her when problems arose instead of giving me the silent treatment for days, weeks, and months. There was a period of adjustment for my wife as she went from giving me the dead silent treatment to griping about everything about me for days, weeks, and months It was like unleashing a category five hurricane from a glassy smooth ocean (Just kidding). As for my communication adjustment, I had to tone down my communication level a few thousand decibels. Actually we now communicate effectively and life is much better when that takes place.

I can think of two other things that might help in getting a marriage back on track and keeping it there. One is the commitment to never discuss divorce as an option. We can use fists, squirt guns, knives, arm wrestle, throw darts, flip a coin, or yell our heads off, but we will never settle our differences by obtaining a divorce. Two is that we realize that neither one of us is perfect, and aside from Jesus Christ no one else is either. I know some folks that are always looking for someone better (an upgrade), who does not have the faults of their mate. “Looking over the fence” with a wistful eye is just folly and it is dangerous. Further, whomever one might find will no doubt have their faults too and chances are they might be far worse. The Bible tells us to “Drink from our own well”. There are major examples of dishonesty in marriage in the Bible, most notable of which is David and Bathsheba. Their sin literally ruined their lives. Learn to overlook the faults in your mate, because I can assure you they will have to do likewise with you.

The Bible teaches that marriage should be for life and that a married couple becomes “one” in the eyes of the Lord. Love your mate as you love yourself because that is what it is Respect this teaching and work hard to keep your marriage on an even keel and your rewards will be great. Speaking from experience it has been incredibly nice to have such a great friend who cared for me during some 37 years and our efforts to obtain peace in our marriage and our lives and stay together have been well worth it.

Ephesians 5:28
So husbands ought to love their
own wives as their own bodies; he
who loves his wife loves himself.