The marriage team

Yesterday was my 30th wedding anniversary; it is beginning to look like we just might make a go of this thing after all. Apparently we are in the minority. The percentage of marriages that end up in divorce in the United States is 52%. I wondered why so many fail, and was surprised to find that the leading cause of divorce is financial problems. The next closest reason was infidelity, but it was somewhere around 26%, (less than half as many divorces as those caused from financial stress).
There were some other reasons, but those were the main ones.

I believe that having a successful marriage is similar to having a successful business. In order to be successful in business your employees have to be motivated to work together as a team. Some of the participants in problem marriages with which I have personal experience, fail to understand this important concept. They are not team oriented, just the opposite, they are “me” oriented. It is never “we” it is always “me”. If a team is ultimately going to be successful, there are a
few things about building it that must be understood. I believe the
most important concept that must be understood is that teams are comprised of people who have different talents and weaknesses and therefore the individual team members must POOL their talents and work together in order to succeed. Each team member must contribute where they are strongest, (and happiest). They must also respect each team member for their contribution. They must accept that everyone, including them, has faults and put all of that aside, put their respective talents to work, and work together for the common good of the team.

In the area of finance, my wife and I have always put all of our assets together in one pot. There is no “my” money and “her” money, or “my”
house and “her” house, “my” car, (OK, one exception, the Porsche is mine). We are a family, and with the exception of the Porsche, everything is “ours”, not “mine”. Financially this is a good deal for my wife, because I earn far more than she does. When I consider most everything else, it is a good deal for me too, because the areas in which I am weak, such as keeping our home in order, cooking, paying bills, handling details, etc. is where she really shines. I appreciate and respect her talent in those areas and consider it an equal contribution to the team. Building a team in a business is similar.
You have people who are not detail oriented who view detail work as torture, and others who are not detail oriented, yet are extremely creative. The “combination” makes for a good team because a team needs varied talents and no one individual has them all. The key is getting all of the team members into the proper areas of responsibility and having them pool their talents and then work together as a team for the good of all.

Respect for each other’s contributions is VITALLY important. Each member must learn that just because a team member is weak in one area, particularly an area in which they themselves are strong, doesn’t make the other team member “inferior”. Chances are good that the team member who might be viewed as inferior, is exceptionally strong in another area in which we are the weakest. The “combination” is what makes a team excel. God created us all with different talents and weaknesses and, I believe, that He wants us to work together and pool our various talents.

“Personally” I believe that the women’s liberation movement and today’s nonsensical concept of having to appear politically correct to peers ruins many marriages. For example, I would probably throw away dishes before I would wash one. My wife washes the dishes for our family. (I can hear the women’s “lippers” howling and calling me a chauvinistic pig now). Our family’s way of doing things is just not politically correct.
In today’s world, if “she” washes dishes, then “I” must wash dishes. I say baloney to that! I will work from 4:00A.M. until 7:00 P.M. in order to be able to be able to afford to buy her a dishwasher and a nice home to put it in and then take her to Maui for a vacation and that is my contribution. Similarly when it came to the unpleasant task of changing diapers, she changed ALL of the diapers. not me! Later when our children needed discipline, it was me that handled that unpleasant task.
I have my tasks and she has hers. We don’t really care what anyone else thinks about our relationship. I especially could care less what women’s lippers think of my situation. It works for us and we are happy.
Likewise I don’t have a problem if another family finds that the husband can really excel at washing dishes and the wife cleans the leaves out of the gutters. If it works for them and “they” are happy, one cannot argue with success.

This is too long, so in wrapping it up I would suggest that if your marriage is on the rocks, or heading there, that you consider working together with your spouse using this team concept. Be considerate of what you perceive to be your spouse’s faults, you are not perfect, nor are they. You can go much further in life and solve your problems far easier, if you will work “together” as a team. It is your team competing against the world. Pool your talents, pool your assets, work together towards developing a winning team. Respect your teammate’s contributions, have some humility about your contributions. You will go farther “together”, than alone.

And if you haven’t paid off the credit cards from last Christmas, cool it this year, don’t make it worse by piling more on this year, and work towards paying things down. Before you know it, the Christmas season will be gone, but trust me the bills will linger on. It is Christ’s birthday that we are celebrating, and I do not think that He wants you to celebrate His birthday by spending yourself into bankruptcy court.

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Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a
good thing,
And obtains favor from the
Lord.



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