Yesterday I went to the doctor for what seems like the 20th time; this time to learn the results of the myelogram that I took a couple of days ago. I could hardly walk in there because I had a reaction to the dye in the test and I have a splitting headache. I asked what could be done about it and the doctor told me to take some pills that he prescribed and lie flat on my back for two days.
Then I was told that although the various imaging results show that bone spurs are pressing on the nerves in the back of my neck, he believes it will get better in time. His advice was to hunker down and live through the pain and when the bone graft in the fusion begins to take and harden that the bone spurs on my neck will shrink and I will find relief.
“How long will I have to hunker down?”
“Hmmm . . . I don’t know.”
Actually I was relieved because I definitely didn’t want another four hour operation and the aftermath, but then again I still have pain in my back, neck, arm and numbness in my hand. By the time I got home I was groaning in pain from the headache and I headed for my bed.
As I laid there I thought of Lt. Dan in the movie Forrest Gump. As you might recall he had his legs blown off in Vietnam and became very bitter. He got caught in a violent storm in a shrimp boat with Forrest and he climbed up the masthead and spent the night shaking his fist at the lightening and wind screaming: “Is this all you got?”
That is how I feel, only instead of shaking my fist at God I want to shake mine at satan. I mean when is enough – enough? I haven’t worked in nearly 8 weeks, I’ve suffered agonizing pain, my wife has breast cancer and gets operated on next week, even my best friend is totally incapacitated and in the most pain he has ever experienced from a five hour operation. Now I’ve got a splitting blinding headache. I dread thinking what might be next.
Just when you think all is lost a bright ray of sunshine appears. I asked the doctor if it would hurt me to shoot my shotgun, (turkey season opened last Saturday and I haven’t been). He said that he thought it would be fine. So if this blasted headache leaves today, tomorrow morning I’ll be in the woods purring, clucking, and cutting, trying to entice a long beard to get within gun range. (If you’re a bunny hugger and PETA fan I wouldn’t get too excited, the way my luck is running I’ll call up the state record and then miss, or it will rain cats and dogs.)
Now there I go being pessimistic gain. I think I’ll read my anonymous poem that has helped me through the years:
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit –
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow –
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out –
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Have a great weekend and go to Honey Lake Church, (or somewhere) this Sunday!
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
March 27, 2015 – Click here to listen