Not so long ago I was asked by a friend of mine why it’s so difficult to get over the loss of a loved one. She wasn’t talking about just the initial grieving stage, but for the long lonely period afterwards.
She wrote: “My Father passed away in November. I used to call him every night for five years. I still look at the clock every night at 6:00 and want to call him. He was 92 and in a nursing home. His body had given out and he needed round the clock care, but his mind was still sharp, but having been very active all of his life, he was miserable. I prayed every day that when God was ready to take him home, it would be quick and peaceful. That is exactly how he passed. The caretaker said he finished a little dinner; put his head back on the pillow, and that was it. No lingering illness, no pain . . . my prayers were answered. Yet, I still feel such sadness…”
We experience the same feeling when someone we love throws us out like a used tissue. My childhood was very sad and lonely and I don’t remember ever experiencing love like a normal child. I suppose those early experiences intensified my desire for someone, (anyone), to love me. And then one day beautiful love finally entered my lonely life. I was thrilled, but then after just a brief period of “sunshine”, in an instant that love was painfully snatched away when she threw me out of her life like an old shoe.
It turned out to be just another cruel chapter in an already merciless book and hurt more than my words can adequately describe. It hurt so deeply to see her smiling that big wonderful smile, laughing, and loving life with another guy that my stomach was twisted in a knot and I wanted to scream. It hurt even more to know that she didn’t love me and in spite of her words to the contrary, probably never did.
I don’t know that I’ll ever get over my sadness from it entirely. It was and remains a bitter reminder of the sometimes harsh and punishing nature of this fallen world.
The saddest thing in my entire life however, was the loss of my brother. Tears are clouding my eyes now as I think about him. After his suicide I was suicidal myself. I thought about him constantly and wished it would have been me instead of him; I still feel that way. As time passed, my grief subsided some, but the sadness has never left me and candidly on too many occasions I find myself longing to join him even today. After ten long years, I still cannot display or even look at photos of him because it’s too painful and I cannot bear to think about it.
It’s my opinion that people seldom fully get over the loss of a loved one, be it through death or the end of a relationship; we just learn to live with it.
One love that will never abandon us is the love of God. His powerful love helps to diminish our sadness, but let’s be honest for a second, even if you have a super relationship with God, losing the love of one’s life still hurts and likely will hurt for many years to come.
I know that I must focus on Him and I try not to unreasonably mourn my losses, but it’s difficult… People will say, “Oh just focus on God and everything will be fine”. Yeah right – Unfortunately this screwed up world wins those battles more often than not. Our logic can remain sound but love is our most powerful emotion…
So I say all of that to tell you, my friends, please don’t ask me how to get over the sadness of losing a loved one, because I can’t do it myself. At the end of the day, I ask God to have mercy on me and to give me the patience and fortitude that I need to get through the dark days when they come and I know they will come and I leave it there.
In one of David Wilkerson’s most inspired sermons he said, “We’ve held on to our religious rhetoric and our revival talk but we’ve become so passive. All true passion is born out of anguish. All true passion for Christ comes out of a baptism of anguish. You search the scripture and you’ll find that when God determined to recover a ruined situation… He would share His own anguish…”
I relate to this message. You see human logic, strength, and emotional fortitude aren’t enough to battle this world; we need the love of Christ to survive. Read the last sentence of David’s sermon carefully as to how God determined to recover a ruined situation, “He would share His own anguish”.
“His own anguish” refers to Jesus Christ suffering on the cross and therein is our hope. We must embrace His anguish on the cross. Only the love of Jesus as demonstrated by His willingly taking our rightful place on the cross can fill that big empty hole in our hearts. Because of His love for me as demonstrated by His sacrifice, I look forward to entering heaven where love conquers all and there will be no more tears, grief, or sadness.
I’d love to enter heaven today!
Who knows, maybe I will… Come quickly O’ Lord…
Rev. 21:4
He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”