One of my goals for next year is to try to be nicer to people. The Bible tells us that “in as much as it’s up to us we should try to get along with everyone”. I like to think about verses in detail and examine each of the words. What jumps out at me about this verse is the word “everyone”. The Bible doesn’t qualify that word by saying, everyone who likes me, has similar interests, or is the same race, religion, creed, or sexual oreintation; it simply states, “everyone“.
I admit that most of the times that I’ve read that verse cynicism reigned supreme and I immediately pooh-poohed it by thinking about some of the folks that I know who are just not receptive to getting along with “anyone” much less this old boy. I generally tell myself that it hardly seems worth the effort when failure is almost assured.
Hmmm… I used to travel extensively by plane, (250,000 miles plus a year). When someone flies that often the airlines reward them by affording them the luxury of boarding first and sitting in first class. Such was the case with me and I would sit up there and “people-watch” as all of the other passengers got on the plane. I noticed that most folks were frowning; others had a countenance of neutrality and were neither smiling nor frowning; few if any were smiling.
One day out of sheer boredom I decided to run a little experiment. The first ten people that came down the aisle I looked squarely in the eye and smiled my most hearty, warm, and friendly smile, (it hurt to do this). The next ten people I looked squarely in the eye and gave them my most dastardly, go to hell, mean look, as though I wanted to cut their hearts out; (that was easier than smiling).
The results were conclusive. To a person, those that received the warm and friendly smiles, all smiled right back at me, nodded, and one even stuck out his hand out to shake hands with me. Some passengers, (particularly on those New York/Newark flights), almost seemed bewildered by my unsolicited smile and hesitated at first; often they would look closely at me, as though trying to discern if they knew me or not, or if this was some sort of joke; but not to worry they all ended up smiling broadly.
Those who received the mean look and scowl quickly looked away, gave me a hurt, painful expression, (like I’d kicked them in the groin), or defiantly gave me a nasty look right back. Most looked at me as though they would have liked nothing better than to “accidentally” knock me in the head with their carry-on bag, or stick their big butts in my face as they hurriedly brushed by me down the narrow aisle. (Some of them did just that.)
I thought this experiment was great fun and I used to amuse myself by doing this on practically every flight. Sometimes I would vary it by smiling at one person and then frowning at the very next person coming down the aisle. The results were always the same and although admittedly mine was a small sampling, my informal polling indicates to me that if we smile at people they smile back. If we frown and scowl at them, they give that right back too. (I urge you to try this experiment yourself – It’s great fun.)
Being nicer to people is a great goal for all of us and smiling is a good first step towards achieving that goal. I’ve been practicing the last few days and one thing I’ve noticed is that it not only makes the recipients of my “new-me-niceness” feel better, but it makes “me” feel good also.
I grew up hard and fighting is what has always come natural to me. As with most things that come natural, being “hard and fighting” is not conducive to representing our Savior. Being nicer helps move us more towards His likeness.
I once had a “fru-fru” photographer conducting a photo shoot of me for a magazine article order me to “smile”. I gruffly growled at him, “I am smiling you dunce, take the dang picture will ya?” He frowned and looked at me as though he were thinking, “If that’s his smile, I’d hate to see his frown – silly boy”.
It’s difficult for this crusty old goat to go around with some silly grin plastered all over my face especially when I’m in a very foul, uncomfortable, mood anyway. So if by chance you see me doing so, please don’t laugh…Come to think of it, go right ahead. We’ll laugh together.
Job 9:27
…’I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,’