Think smart

Recently I listened as someone in a leadership position was speaking to a group of people and rather harshly chastised them for what he deemed to be inappropriate behavior on some of their parts. Having been guilty as a leader of having made mistakes in this arena myself, I winced more than once at the approach. I knew that some recipients would not take kindly to being publically dressed down in this manner.

Assuming the object of the “dressing down” was to help everyone improve their behavior next time and not simply vent; this public humiliation appeared to me to be a total failure and in my estimation would just result in bitter resentment with little hope of modifying anyone’s behavior for the better. I overheard several comments later from those who had been stung by the remarks that confirmed my fear.

One of the best books I have ever read in dealing with people is, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, by Dale Carnegie. Aside from the Bible this is one of the best books that I have ever read in instructing us how to effectively deal with other people. It was required reading for our sales department and managers back “in the day” when I was running companies.

I went online, Googled, and found a summary of the book and excerpted a portion below that deals with exacting criticism on others in an effort to get them to improve behavior. You might find it interesting.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
It is easier to take criticism after some praise.
Look for things done well before calling attention to failings.
Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
The burden of criticism is easier to bear when shared.
It’s motivating when another has overcome the same challenges.
Call attention to people’s errors indirectly.
Direct, harsh criticism can destroy incentive to improve.
Suggest alternatives: “How user-friendly will this feature will be?”
Suggest that the idea isn’t flawed; it’s the environment or situation.
Let the other person save face.
Others will get defensive for fear of being embarrassed.
Additionally, always try to give criticism in private.
Make the fault seem easy to correct. Use encouragement.
Make faults seem easy to correct and new skills easy to learn.
Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement.
Praise reinforces the development of a desired behavior.
Make praise as specific as possible.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Example: “You’re quite capable, but your recent projects aren’t up to your old standards.”
Respecting others’ capabilities will empower them to succeed.

I have been thinking of Jesus this morning and I know He would exemplify all of the positive lessons listed above and more. Do you remember His telling the disciples what the first and second greatest commandments are? Read the words carefully and think for a moment about their meaning. We should all think long and hard and pray about it prior to opening that blast furnace that is sure to badly burn and scald all of those relationships that we have worked so hard to develop

Matthew 22:37
Jesus said to him, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.
This is the greatest and most important commandment.
The second is like it: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself.
All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commandments’.”