I receive many letters each day and often they will bring me to tears. At a very young age, I reached a point where I didn’t cry anymore. I had the tears beaten out of me by an abusive father and vowed never to allow anyone to see me cry again. I became a supposed “tough guy”, and tough guys don’t cry; that is for sissies. It took quite a few years, but I eventually found that the world was a whole lot tougher than me, and it broke me down to rock bottom and I learned to cry.
I received a letter from a man in prison who recently read my book and told me he lived a life like mine. He didn’t cry either and then one day he met Jesus and tears came down his face as well. I remember crying when my brother committed suicide. I cried and cried and cried some more, but it did not bring him back. The “if” word haunted me day and night. If only I would have . . . If only he would have . . .
If, if, if – Those words drove me half-crazy in my grief. He wanted a normal life and I tried to help. I loved him so much, but his inner demons were formidable, and finally one day he put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.
Some two or three years prior to his death I witnessed him get down on his knees and confess his sins, acknowledge that Jesus was the risen Son of God, and ask for forgiveness for his sins. I watched his life become transformed and go from misery to peace and joy. I saw him leave the sleazy bands he played in and stay away from the New Orleans 24/7 cesspool of sin and evil. We went fishing together and cooked crawfish out on the dock where he kept his boat.
I lived in Atlanta, and he lived in New Orleans, and I did not see him very often. I did not see him begin to backslide and quit going to church or return to the drugs and the evil life. What I saw was him in his casket. Not one person aside from family came to his wake and/or funeral. He was 52 years old, and he didn’t have a single friend. So sad!
I cried and I cried, and I cried.
If only I would have done more. If only I had known that he was going this route. If only he would have called me . . . If only he and his wife would have found a good church and had regularly attended, if, if, if . . .
Do you know anyone that is hurting? Don’t give up on them. Pray for them; check up on them; try to get them in a church that will accept someone who has made so many mistakes. If they have wronged you, forgive them even though you feel that they don’t deserve forgiveness. Remember not one person is getting what they deserve including you. Jesus died for our sins even though we did not deserve it. Find salvation and stay close to God and one day your weeping will cease forever.
Revelation 21:4
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away”