January 13, 2020 – Click here to listen
So, my wife asked if I was enjoying retirement yesterday. I told her not really. My life has been filled with non-stop frenetic, action-filled raw stress for the last 50 years and to go from that to a relaxed, mode of “if I don’t get to it today, I’ll get it tomorrow” attitude, has about driven me stark raving mad. Most of the time I don’t even know what day it is and don’t really care except for writing Words for the Day and Sunday church, and more often than not I’m bored silly.
Not long ago a very longtime, (close to two decades), reader of this post urged me in no uncertain terms to back off my jammed frenetic schedule and just relax for a while. He reminded me of the bad disc in my back and my macular degeneration, but mainly felt I needed rest. (In reality he probably wanted me to quit ranting so much about politics in this column.)
At any rate I’ve taken that advice and mainly just write Words for the Day, participate in a daily Bible study, hunt, fish, exercise, play my guitar, and go to church. I have spent a little more time with my family, but they are so busy it beguiles the mind to try and keep up with them and to be honest they just don’t have the time for an old guy and I drive them as crazy as I am if I tarry too long around them.
Now along comes another friend admonishing me for not going out and offering my powerful testimony to the world and making an impact for Jesus Christ. I responded that I’ve never solicited speaking engagements but instead have accepted them as people who have come to me and asked if I would address their audience. I’ve spoken at venues from Alaska to Key West and most points in-between and of course was engaged in prison ministry for decades. For whatever reason I’m not swamped with requests anymore and am not keen to go out and advertise for them. I do have a few lined up but not that many compared to years past. My assumption is that perhaps God wants me to do something else and that season of my life is waning away.
Should I start another business? Ha! My wife and family would kill me. I assume God would have me serve Him in some capacity, but how? I have relinquished the Jesus Alliance to my good friend Michael Phillips who is doing a marvelous job and his youthful energy is making the organization flourish like a beautiful flower, so I’m not needed there anymore.
So, what do I do next? Wouldn’t it be nice If God would say, “Ok huddle up! Bob, here is what I want you to do: write some more books, teach a Bible study class, and get involved in a local prison ministry. Now Go!
Alas, there is silence. Which means I must pray and possibly fast more. I must continue to seek God’s will for these final golden years of my life and the answers so far at least, have not come fast or loud enough to hear. Just a painful silence which begets excruciating torturous patience. Forrest Gump said he was not a smart man – I’m not a patient man. Perhaps that is the point? Maybe I should just enjoy this portion of my life that is so strange and laid back. I saw a sign once in the Florida Keys that states: “What’s your hurry, you’re already here.”
Hmmm . . . I won’t be “there” until I draw my last breath and I meet Jesus at the pearly gates of heaven. So, it’s back to prayer for me. If you are struggling with your purpose today, get in line and if you find a good solution please share it with me. Until then, do as I do and cry out to the Lord.
Psalm 57:2
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”