When to fold

I have been negotiating two big deals, (one for my company and one personally), and advising one of my sons on another deal that he is negotiating. Negotiating can be stressful, particularly when much is at stake. All of the above is being negotiated simultaneously, so it is a time of uncertainty and it involves a fair amount of stress as offers are made and counter offers are received.

The art of negotiating is knowing when you should stand firm and when you should yield. If you agree too quickly, you will overpay and leave money on the table, and possibly end up with very poor terms and conditions that you must live with for a long time. Standing too firm might mean losing the deal altogether and perhaps having someone else, (a dreaded competitor), end up with your “prize”.

Agreeing to unfavorable terms can cause you grief and consternation over a long period of time and even financially ruin you, as many have recently found in the easy to obtain interest only balloon mortgages for the real estate market. The key to successful negotiations can be found in the lyrics of a song made popular by Kenny Rogers that allude to a term used in a poker game, “You got to know when to hold them, and you have to know when to fold them”.

I have been told that I am a tough negotiator. I don’t know about all of that, but my critical factor is that I am willing to walk away from what I consider to be a bad deal if attempts at crafting what I consider to be a fair and reasonable deal are unsuccessful. Personally I think that is where many people fail when negotiating; they want whatever it is they are negotiating for so badly that they will agree to most anything in order to get it. I have always felt that I am better off having “no” deal than having a “bad” deal and the basis of that philosophy is that I do not want any one thing so badly that I am willing to do most anything to get it. I have tremendous faith in God and in myself that things are going to ultimately work out for me, (with or without any singular deal), and if I do not get one deal, another is right around the corner and I will be fine in the long run.

Before I negotiate I decide on what I feel is fair and reasonable and I do not waver from it. I do not like to have a deal fall through as I am “extremely” competitive and literally hate to lose at anything. Many people are similar in possessing that trait. The fact of the matter is that when one negotiates and it ends up with the deal blowing up and everyone walking away from it, it is difficult not to feel as though we have lost. Have we really lost?

The answer to having peace about negotiations is forgetting about this notion of losing if the negotiations are not successful. Instead if we consider that avoiding entering into an unreasonable or unfair deal is in reality a “win”, it becomes more palatable. Sometimes we want something so badly that we are willing to forego what we know is the right thing to do in order to achieve it and “win”.

The same holds true for our personal lives when we do not get what we want. There is a song by the Rolling Stones that has lyrics of interest to this situation, “You can’t always get what you want”. We could add to this, “And it is a good thing!” The reason I add that powerful little nugget is that what we want is not always the best thing for us; (a house with an unaffordable mortgage payment)

When you forego the right thing in order to win at all costs, you always lose. You might never personally negotiate a multi-million dollar deal, but you face the exact same circumstances every day as you make decisions in your life. Take the young teenage girl who wants to be popular so badly that she succumbs to doing that which she knows is not right in order to date that popular football player; does she win or lose?

Decide today that you want to take the high road in life and stick to your guns from this point forward. If you must compromise your integrity, morals, or God’s righteous standards in order to achieve something, then walk away from the deal. That is the secret to negotiating like a pro and winning every deal! When you think about it, with this philosophy one cannot ever lose Pray about it and then stick to your guns.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your
Heart,
And lean not on your own
understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge
Him,
And He shall direct your
paths.