Bad tie day spells doom

I do not believe in UFO’s, ESP, and other paranormal experiences including even bad luck; however there is one phenomenon with which I am all too familiar and that would be “Bad tie day”. It is a well known axiom that when a man experiences “bad tie day” in the early morning that their entire day from that moment on will be plagued with unfortunate incident after incident. I was thinking about this one morning as I retied my tie for the fourth time. Having tied ties for nearly forty years, one would think that I could tie a perfect double Winsor knot on the very first try; however on “bad tie day” nothing seems to go right. The wide end of the tie would end up being either six inches long or three feet long, but no matter how hard I tried, it would not come out to the correct length. As I stared at myself in the mirror in disgust, I was suddenly aghast as I thought, “Oh my goodness, I am going to have a bad tie day”.

I was hurrying up trying to get ready to deliver a speech for a technology gathering, something I had gotten “roped” into months earlier. I generally decline these invitations, but this one was ten months out when I made the commitment and they put me on the “We all need to give something back” guilt trip. As always I had been so busy working on different projects that I had not even thought about this, much less prepared for it, and I was just going to have to “wing it”. I do not get nervous when I speak and ordinarily I would not be concerned about giving a forty minute talk “off the cuff”, but not on “bad tie day”.

Sure enough I had trouble finding the place and drove by the entrance three times which is typical of “bad tie day”. When I arrived it was getting late, but when I walked into the lobby I thought to myself that things were beginning to “look up” as I looked into a most beautiful pair of blue eyes belonging to none other than the drop dead gorgeous hostess. I was greeted by her lovely smile and I of course smiled right back at her, when suddenly I noticed something that made me very uncomfortable, “Oh my Lord”, I thought, “I believe she is looking at my crotch!” And then I confirmed it, “She is! She is! She is looking at my crotch!” Just as demonic forces were making me think the worst, she motioned to me and I bent my head down to her five foot level and she whispered in my ear, “Did you know that your pants are unzipped?” “HELLO!”

Believe it or not, I could actually “feel” crimson red color beginning at my neck and slowly rising up my face to the tippy-tops of my ears and beyond to the crown of my head. I stammered, “Sorry about that” and quickly corrected that problem and she smiled at me and told me to follow her and she would show me where I would be speaking. Like a little boy who had just been admonished by his teacher, I humbly fell in line behind her and she walked me into the auditorium.

It was a very nice facility and was rapidly filling up with people. She asked me if I had a slide show or handouts. Still reeling from my unzipped pants incident, I told her in an unnatural voice that came out much too loud, “No I am old school, I am going to be speaking from my heart today” and then I nervously laughed; (again my laugh was far too loud and for that matter, what I said was not even funny). She smiled what appeared to me to either be a sympathetic, or a patronizing smile, or perhaps both. I thought to myself, “I believe that was the corniest thing that I have ever said”, and again I could “feel” the color covering my face from the embarrassment of it all. I whispered to myself, “Great!”

As I looked across the room it was filled with young people who did not even look old enough to be shaving yet. I felt like an old grizzled up farmer who plowed a single furrow with a wooden plow walking along barefoot behind a stinking mule yelling “Gee” and “Haw” to get the mule to turn either left or right. There I was amongst modern day farmers with half million dollar air conditioned tractors equipped with GPS units which allowed them with one pass to keep their sixteen rows perfectly straight while they listened to bass woofers thumping out rap on their stereo systems as they dozed off. Here I was in a room full of bespectacled geeks who could have been wearing beanies with three and four propellers with pocket protectors full of pens and pencils who were geniuses and experts in technologies that I could not even pronounce and “I”, (someone who could not tie a tie, or zip up his pants), was going to tell them what it takes to be “successful”. Jeez

At that moment I thought of a verse that I had put to memory. This is a little unusual because in spite of the Lord gifting me with an incredible memory, I have tremendous difficulty in memorizing Scripture verbatim; I am the same when it comes to remembering names. (I suppose I should be absolutely candid and go ahead and admit that the verse is rather short too.) Anyway when I mentally said that verse and prayed for God to assist me, immediately I could actually feel God’s calming presence blanketing me. What an incredible experience! My nervous demeanor lifted from me and I gave my speech as though I had dutifully prepared for it and practiced it for hours and afterwards was told by many people including the beautiful blond haired hostess that they enjoyed and greatly benefitted from it ; (Even “Bad tie day” is no match for our Lord.)

I’m sure God laughed at me that day as I floundered around like an idiot. When I needed Him however, He was right there for me. The Bible tells us that when we are in trouble, that we are to call upon the name of the Lord and He will be there for us. What was the verse that I whispered to myself?

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens me.